My walk with God is a work in progress. I have a past, as anyone does. I'm not perfect. In fact, I'm far from it. It would take me longer to list the negatives about myself, then it would the positives.
But, lucky for me, I have a God that still loves me.
I spent most of my life living for myself. I did teenage things, I drank, I smoked, I lied, I didn't treat all people with love. But like I said, I'M NOT PERFECT! I wasn't born with a close relationship with God. I obtained it later in life. So, I lived my life as a sinner. Even though I didn't talk to Him often, my God never left my side. What a great thing to know!
I know that Jesus took my place on the cross. He died and endured all that humiliating torture so that I wouldn't have to. While I know this is true, I can't fathom the thought. It's too much for my small mind. However, now that I'm saved, I gotta admit that I never had one of those "fireworks, lights shining down from heaven, angels rejoicing" moments when it happened. I can't pinpoint the exact day, time, what I was wearing, like some people can. Honestly, I feel that makes me less of a Christian than others. But deep down, I know that's not true. I've heard it preached many times in sermons. But I'm my worst enemy, and I'll beat myself over anything. Or, maybe it's just Satan being his normal self by trying to ruin me.
I turned away from things in my life that I knew were bad. I left the friends behind that were into things I knew Christ doesn't like. Now I have maybe 2 people I talk to on occasion. I really have no friends. And, while I truly always thought that it was ok to have a drink of wine every now and then, I learned that the wine in the Bible wasn't fermented. Oops! So, I quickly turned from that. 9 months! Not to make myself sound like a drunk, cause I wasn't. I'm talking I had a glass on the weekends, that's it. But, for some reason when I would ask God to point out things in my life that He wanted me to change, that always stuck out in my mind. I talked to my pastor and he let me know that I had been mistaken this whole time about the wine in the Bible. So, I'm happy that I heard God talk to me, and that I responded.
I read my Bible, I pray all the time. But I'm still growing, still learning. Sometimes, I even beg God for help in areas in my life, yet I don't see a change. I know there's a reason for it (satan holding me back) but I honestly get frustrated sometimes. I ask, beg, and even cry to God for help and I don't get it. That doesn't mean He isn't there, and He isn't working in me. I know He will never leave me. He really has been convicting me lately, in the area I've been desperately asking for help in. So I know that He is waiting on ME to make the move!
